Begun with my friends the Penlea Six on my birthday in 2016, & inspired by Eric Andre’s list, behold THE most comprehensive compilation of band names this side of the Mississippi. Whether you need a name for a soulless EDM project or the title for an album exclusively comprised of you dropping pebbles into a well, make this your first port of call. Many thanks to The Walking Dead video game for giving us the first two entries. If anyone wants credit for their contribution(s) or for me to note a particular reference, let me know.
Plastic Toys
Combat Clam
Hard Trucks Two
Redruthian Lilt
Menorah Massacre
Paedophile Feet
Literal Cuntpunch
Massaging Carver
The Tiniest Gun in the Universe
Whirlwind of Rodney
Youth Hockey
Pursue the Kreon
Homoerotic Burst
Dead Skeleton
Infusion of Confusion (IOC)
Primo Explodo
Speedboat Getaway
Meat Bicycle
The Mortician’s Problem [Nick Cave side project/also name of album] [American Dad quote]
Bane on a Plane
Tiny Baby Cabin for Babies
The Monks I Saw in America
Quiet Entrance
Crouch of Laughter
Spin of Delight [album: …& Then You Leave]
Russian Machine Gun Ninjas
Hand Hazard
Wolf Noir
Ejaculation of Snakes
Ghost Sisters [basically Cocorosie]
String Insolence
Cockhunters 43 [Front Line Assembly but all lyrics replaced with toilet humour]
Ant & Dec Do a Jihad
Yoda’s Pterodactyl Feet
An Hawaiian Shirt
Chunks of Areola
African Shieldmen Must Die [Crust punk project akin to Fall of Efrafa, but all about the 2000 film Romeo Must Die]
Dick & Dom 1 Cup
Bombing Agrabah at Christmas
Barbados Slim & Bahamas Joe [final album: Now Goodbye For Ever]
You Think You Know Your Children But They Hate You
Troy & His Basketball Robots [The Cramps covers performed in the style of High School Musical]
Totem of Misery
Chuff Chime
Village Tribal Perpetual Bodies
On-Pa, with Inedible [akin to Dead Can Dance]
Pustules of Screed
Sarajevo Blob Siege [first album: Miserable Blob Story, first single: ‘Endless Psychic Screaming’]
Fire Pit at Nightmare Circus [Avenged Sevenfold tribute band]
Magic Goujons [‘they do a cover of Tom Jones’ ‘It’s Not Unusual’ but it’s a sea shanty’]
Sad Onion Factory
100 Pounds of Enema [album called Better Than Shit]
Scuffling with Adolf Hitler [Red Dwarf quote]
Cleavage Glove
He Dies at Easter [album called Pumped for Jesus, the most listened to album of all time, featuring lyrics by Luke]
Jazz Racist
Sack of Grass/Trimmingsack
Wilko Wooden Meat Mallet
Nightlife Newbie
Jalapeño Freakout
Brick of Button
Sculptors of the 1790s
Chicken of the Cove [crab]
Canonic Teletubbies [akin to Acid Mothers Temple]
Deep-Seated Clown Trauma [album: That Day, I Just Couldn’t Even]
Woolly Nelson, Harvested for His Wool
Rickety Spiral Stair Sex
Seed Meander
Manatee of the Silver Screen
Trailblazing Little Bastards
Tommy Wiseau: Ultimate Cuck
Trumpet Exclamation
Stealing Fingertips
Icelandic James Corden
RockPoolHarassment (oneword)
Buff Surrogate
Bits of Pebble
Copse of Cheese (on a Hill)
Victimised Personally by Godspeed You! Black Emperor
Exit Logos
Second-Hand Wheelchair
Ritual Cleaning Element
Initiating Intercourse
Bullet Gremlin
Spaghetti Ronin
Sweater Vest Man [Badly Drawn Boy one-man (tribute) band]
Charred Salamander Hand
Not About Schmidt
Not a Crab, But a Man
Even the Furries [akin to mewithoutYou]
Ridgey Legs
Shot & Killed God with a Sky-Boat
Dance, Fuck or Kill
Language: the Ultimate Lego
Planetary Annihilation
Disco Discotheque
Thirsty 4 Smash
Infuriating Toaster
Cork Shuriken
Unsolicited Karaoke
Black Death Lesbians [they wear yonic corpse paint]
Oil of Worm
TIE Fighter Negative [the entire Skywalker Saga told in the style of Type O Negative]
Bean Paraphernalia
Penic Erection [first album That’s Not What Nipples Should Look Like, Sarah]
Press the Helmet
Invertebrate Apparatus
Parasitic Armoured Arachnid
Chasm Dogs
Dented Knuckles [Pure Metal]
Arseholes & Elbows
Pocket Noise
Eight for Oxygen
Fragrant Meats
Humanoid Leech Wearing a Minecraft T-Shirt
Guy with Feathers
Hiding with Your Nipples
Of Course There Were Ravens
Points to Sky, Sound of Crickets
Chaotic Shatner
Get it Together, Jeff Suzuki
Magnanimous Overlord
Pussy Pyrotechnics [Tidal Wave Tour 2018, first (& only) stop is a 12-day residency at Fucktown-upon-Happiness, in the amphitheatre]
Finally Two Third Wheels Are Now the Main Two Wheels
Primate Grooming Instincts
Wanton Strumpets
(Regarding Your) Teen Mohawk
Asbestos & Wasps
Unsteady Nuns
Vadge First (Onto the Floor)
Peeing After Sex
HabBa
(Do Not Be the) Fat White Person with Blue Hair Who Falls into Someone’s Rice Paddy
Not Two Thoses
PAMS (Pressed Against My Sac)
Catastrophe Navigator
Unfortunately, He’s a Monster
Sharing State Secrets with My Shit-Man
Blood Moon Alpaca Orgy
Congenital Crazy Eyes
Bovine Magnet Prescription
Too Hot in the Cocoon [album: Be Still for a Hot Second]
Doodle Fodder
Jizzle Fist
Orcs Be Fuckin’
Emo Sewer Beast
Laughing Fun Calm Down Content
Scum Rim
Skilled Mimic
Vulval Collage
Night-Blooming Butt Cactus
Replicant Chuff
Geoffrey Croissant
The Fucks-Butt Wedding [album: Must Fuck Butts]
Bunghole Cauldron
Shirtless & Screaming
Real Leather Money
Denomination Fiasco
Lunatic Sultana
Sausage Wallet
Geode Thug
Triggered! by a Jar of Screwdrivers
Big Tiddler
Benevolent Background People
Flavoured Fungus
The Gandhi People
The Funkiest Olives
Breaks Up the Peoples
Bipedal Puss
Cinque Homosex
Kung FUN
Bottle Redemption
Torso Chamber Expansive
Shenanigans Innovator
Autographed Picture of the Guy Who Played Worf
Making Nonsense with a Goose [Bill Bailey quote]
Patented Yummus
Hypnagogic Paws
Famous Facebook Cat
Immobile Speechless Lump
Death Car
Young Boy Vengeance [Pickle & Peanut quote]
T.R. Hobbit
Teen Baez
Girl Oddo
The Inimitable Usher Raymond
Hilarious Mixed Race Baby
Ethiopian Honey Monster
Ragged Nest of Shredded Bark [Pickle & Peanut quote]
Girl Grows Beanstalk from Chest Cavity
Literally Literally Lemmy
Gigantic Pickle
Thirty Helens Agree
Bible Millionaire
Neil Crazytale
Herb Toothpaste [album: Existential Lounge]
CGI Snowy
Normalise Flatulence
Babybel Megatron
Toenails for Days
Transient Anus
Anatomical Donald
I Will Take on the Burden of Any & All Non-Enjoyed Seltzers
Crossed Nad
Magic Mormon Underwear
Liberace Junior
Both Susan
Frappéd Skunk
Minor Chubby & Tad Sensitive
The Balrog is Themselves
The Boy Band Paradox (BBP)
Octopus Carwash
Playboy Paella
One Horse Pony
Properly Shod
No One Makes Jokes in the Oncologist’s Office
The Most Successful Goose
Quipzel Scissor
Screambirds
Subverting James
Rocking Tug Boat
Metal Named Flower
Kurds & Gerard Way
Gay Fetus
Background Cilantro
Six Hetero
Clowns of Japan
Funky Parcel
Hot Vodka
Convenient Pile of Knives
Creative Jesus
Kendall, You Crazy Bitch
Single-Purpose Sexual Missiles
Bob Scratchit [Outnumbered quote]
Deafyeller
Diarrhoea Scientist
The E.E. Geezer [Kevin Bacon]
Terrorist Synthesiser
Croc Cocaine
What Homophobes Think Happens at Pride [exclusively play …And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead covers, but disco. Album called That Banned Episode of Cow & Chicken]
Lawnmower Gran
Wet Belch
Ten-Finger Poop-Sling Manoeuvre
Predatory Tropical Sea Snails
Strombus Gallus Conch
Fluted Clam
Big Vagina & Butt
Trumpet Triton
Graceful Fig
I Paid Her in Sand Dollars
Pencil Urchin
Toby Jugular
Japanese Danny Trejo
Soppin’ Hocks [their one hit, ‘The Sopping Hock Sock Hop’]
Trauma Pop
Kind of Neville
Billy Joel’s Calippo
A Cat Named Starlight
George Lucozade
Turnip Chef & the Existential Nosebleed
Happiness Heifer
Bird Internet
Generous Machiavelli
Roid Toad
Joaquin Phoeona
Dirty Ballbag Trousers
Incredulous Wookiie
Approximating a Seagull
DJ Dr Futurebitch
Impractical Summer Hat
White Morpheus
Bitch Cassidy at the Sundance Festival
Iona Fapple
Gag Terrid
Rumoured Obese Cat
Friar Tuck Haircut
Matthew Delicate
Gender Reveal Bloodbath
Jacked Dandy
Anonymous Boner
Tintin’s Lesbian Hair
Tomato Stan
Active Pooper
XL Human Head
Thin Hemsworth
Mr Person
Giant Fucking Clock for a Head
Tom Marvolo Riddleston as Loki-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named
Fungal Situation
Moat Ahead
Irreplaceable Puppets
Coldplay But Somehow Worse
Young Peter, the Elder
Multiple Hams for Multiple Sams
Leg Below WICKED
Aurora Borealis and Friends, Again
Sloane, 2499
Retail Hostage
BB-8, the Little White Cuck Ball
Origami Stalin
Sax Hendrix
Poo is Stored in the Balls
Winnie Biscuits
Daft Nuggets
Teletubby Bukkake [album: That Ain’t Tubby Custard!]
Michael Action
Lentil Lallygagger
Sushi-Loving Cowboy
Enemies of the Bear [American Dad quote]
Achtung Park
Ovum [album: Massively Decaying Sac]
Microcosm of the Real World (Also, Men Are Dicks)
Opportunity to Be Wasted
Isolated Horns
Nudging Dagenham
Wedg’ed Arse [album: I Need to Put an Apostrophe in That]
Big Bat Necklace
Sad Coco Pops
Trier Fuck
Ol’ Sandy Whiskers
Windowsill Saké
Bobbles of Stain
Slow-Motion Baby
Fad Gina
Elderly Schoolboy
Baby Devito
Internal Gonad
Compulsive Ethanol Imbiber
Wiener Access
Pallid Throbber
Shredded Lawyer
Vaginal Calliope
Infamous Monkey Christ
Sumo Fandom
Queensberry Rules Quidditch
Killy Bristol
Stingray Romano
Simping for Katie
Muscular Village Priest
Richard Virile
Anaphylactic Cock
COVID Puzzle Club
The Charlie Chaplin Brothers
Channelling Cilla
German Terror Hole
Honorary Child
Mumblecore Mussolini
Famously Bald
Classic Liberal Shark
Like Suggs
Black Alan
Clockhead Boy
Tricky Forest Bastarda
You & Me But House Finches
Stretchy Weenus
Moshing to Archspire with Jason Momoa
Swiss Optimism
Nutmeg Pass
Macedonian Joy
Carlton Cork
Trousers Muumuu
Teacup Rhino
Artisanal Clown Shoes
Lars Cooldick
Bidet Proponent
Tandem Shitter
Brigitte Barcode
Occam’s Catdog Mouthshit
The Remarkable Boneless Skeleton
Neoliberal Equine Faeces
Brian Nemo
Dr ‘Blue-Balls’ Manhattan
Pathetic Mortals
Dutch Circle Penetration
Wheelchair-Accessible Tudor Castle
Wiccan Insurance Advisor
Eyeliner McFly
Funeral Photographer
Gorilla Dad
Hella Fomosexual
Carl Pagan
Pakistan Jesus
Vegetable Umbrella
Satsuma Microdose
Mox Buncher
Tacit Nacho
Nigerian Fox
Man Who Likes Men
Distant Sheep [Wolves in the Throne Room from the sheep’s perspective]
The Height of the Cinnamon Challenge
Evangelion Soprano
Working Class Emo
eScooter Aficionados
Ball Lightning Bitches
Chaos Dunker [first song: ‘Swollen Tampon Used as a Nunchuck’]
Bumbagdolier
Honing My Wookiie
Lithuanian Pants Mans [first single: ‘Vague Lithuanian’. ‘It’s a pretty standard song, but there’s a backing track that’s just two Lithuanian siblings chatting.’]
Richard, the Bean Boy
Wooded Area
Karen Chunky
Diego Pitbull
Newlywed Rambo
Quotation Mark
Lullaby Mercedes
Vaporwave Samurai
Pistachio Photography
Unequivocal King of Sprints
Joan Both-Jones
Triangle Shirtwaist
Extrajudicial Trilling
Yung Rusher
Front-Loading Bra
Nuptial Fist Signal
Crowbar Kilowatt Airbag
Defibrillator Fundraiser
Mayonnaise Elevator
Neil Patrick Malice
Nyet Mallory
Pom-Pom Robin
Bluebell Warfare
Bleached Carhole
The Incredible Man Who Built a Mech Suit to Fight Bears
Mount Barbecue
Kippers in the Caravan
Gammy Peg Bag
Contraceptive Oliver
‘Kartin’’ Luther Ming
Two Inches Jesus
Malicious Junior
Inadequate Discharge
Inchoate Proletarian Protest
Vegans Who Scream
Princess Anne’s Dildo Crèche
Epic Funeral Playlist
Horrible Beefer
Proverbial Shark
Mucky Sock
Platoon of Lallygaggers
Honorary Sith
Undead Shakira & Tove Jansson’s Hologram [first album: Tiny Human with Hips & That Lesbian Who Wrote the Moomins]
Little Battenberg Wheels [first album: Concerning Your Guinea Pig Car…, first single: What If We Kissed (in the Puipui Molcar Arena)?]
Cowboy Snoop Dogg’s Minigun
Rattling Off Poultry
William TV
Griffin Attack Witness [death metal]
Blaming Potatoes
Infernal Belly Shame (IBS) [with their smash hit, ‘Oats Got Me Fucked Up’]
Slightly Tofu
My Shiny Metal Horse Tush
GG as in Good Game
Neolithic Lego
Tradslab
Old Council Secrets
Sneaker Freaker
Bitcoin Caravan
Gender Pirate
Moist Potpourri
Diddy Squirrel Holes
Pikmin Chuggers
At Least Eleventy Daves
Squeaky Skeleton
Ginosaur Dumper
Hooligan Crust [subgenre of punk, exclusively about association football]
Gay for Gilgamesh
Jewellery from Ur Graves
Perhaps Leopards/Wading Birds
Uruk Trough
Nimrud Ivories
Daniel is a Clock Fiend
A Fractious Baby
Seven Obsidian Blades
Bronze Fibula
Ceremonial Dirk
Continental Coinage
Winged Phallus-Bird
Immortal Pomegranate
Mr Bog
Tomb Guardian
Deathbed Handjob (cybergrind covers of Death Cab for Cutie songs)
Alice’s Blanket Trunk
Monk Heap
Descending Saxxx
Shanking a Beach
Nutella Injection
Sieve Full a Spaghetti
Bearded Decider
Balls Deep in the Sarlacc Pit
The Crump of Artillery
Perennial Skellinton
Suicide Power Knob
Balloon Gore
Acidic Jew
Vintage Cleberson
Drake of Memphis
Octarine Spleen
Playground Intimidator
Avian Flew
Regional Duncan
Cosmic Christ
Louise ‘Louise’ Louise
Beatrice Cocomelon
Genderless Bag
Subsequent Substrate
URD Asshole
Rona Bedsheets
The Stress of the Market
Threshold Restoration
The Instrument of the Fiddler [The fiddle, surely? Absolutely not]
Mona Lisa’s Revenge
Trust the Robot
Anal Salgado
Dogs of Chernobyl
Sherbet Law
Figs Royale
Dracula, from the Book ‘Dracula’
Anxious Barry
Converted Jingle Slippers
Midas Wolf
Little Dink Ball
The One Non-Gross Person on Earth
Twelve Gandhis or Whatever/Gandhi Tank Squadron
Gwyneth Paltrow’s Exploding Vagina Candle
Christmas Tantrum
Unseen Trampoline
Lovers of Lederhosen
Farts & Laughs
Utterly Unhinged Bogey Wizard
Iorek Byrnison vs the Lollipop Guild
Van Holten’s Garlic Joe
Orlando Bloom’s Beard
Sassy Flames
Zucchini Sheath
Erogenous Scrivener
Mighty Inquisitor
Hello Pecker
Surprise Surprise My Porn Sensei
Unbelievable Moviestar
Decadence to Long Paragraph Format
Story to Eros Ratio
Deus Ex Tornado
Straight out of Obligation
Void Brain
Whack the Pastilles
Rat Wheeler
Hairless Ben with a Broken Arm
Dumble D. Dog [the D stands for ‘Dumbledog’]